


Cracklets from the Canon 'Verse

by LadyLustful



Category: Iron Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, X-Men (Movies), X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: 50 words, Alcohol, Crack, Crack Without Plot, Creed isn't stupid, Fluff, Fury's family life, Gen, Half Drabble, Humor, Magneto is a financial whiz, Makeup, Metallica - Freeform, THE TABLE - mentioned, anyone and everyone - Freeform, anything and everything - Freeform, financial markets, fourth wall breaking cause Deadpool, lite-fucking-rally, wordcount: 50
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-14
Updated: 2017-03-22
Packaged: 2018-05-06 19:09:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5427365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyLustful/pseuds/LadyLustful
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What it says on the tin. Not that it makes any sense.<br/>Fifty words each.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Table

**Author's Note:**

> Headcanon: Stark totally knows Metallica.  
> (That universe's Metallica. Who aren't that different from this Metallica, except they are there.) And by knows, I mean they met twice. Or so. It's a bit harder to count when you're drunk.

'Hi, Hetfield', slurred Tony Stark, squinting at the tall blonde man standing over him. 'Want a drink? Wait, why the fuck are you wearing a tablecloth on your back? Are you pretending to be a table?'

'Nay', said Thor, 'and I am unsure who is this "Hetfield" you speak of.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> James and Thor aren't that similar-looking, but they are both tall and blonde and have long wavy-ish hair and Stark's drunk.


	2. Carbon Man

Tony decides he needs a Magneto-proof suit, so he builds one. The body is made of a ceramic-carbon-fibre composite, the electronics are a carbon-based alloy. He never figures out what to use for the arc reactor, but the new suit is still useful. It uses less energy on long-distance flights.


	3. Money Magnet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Creed, Magneto and the financial markets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by the Insurance!Bucky series.

No matter what his deliberately projected image might suggests, Victor Creed is not stupid. He invests in shares, and gold, and gains some money from commodity trading, and... Yeah, not stupid. But he still understands fuck-all about Magneto's particular brand of financial madness, apart from the fact that it's successful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know eff all about financial markets, but Dad says diversifying your accounts is a sound strategy.


	4. No Good Deed...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Widowpool friendship. Or, Nat is nice to Wade and suffers the consequences.

After she sees his horribly scarred face, and learns the sad story behind it, Natasha offers, on a whim, to teach Wade how to disguise it with makeup. She regrets it after he proposes to her and proclaims his undying love for her for her twelve times that same day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I needed Widowpool fluff


	5. Hell Hath No Fury

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fury's family life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have this sneaking suspicion that the next Fury will be female and they'll retcon her in as Fury Jr.'s daughter.

Contrary to popular assumptions, Nick Fury is married and has a daughter. Nicole, or Nikki, age twelve, likes math and sports and the colour pink and wants to be a spy like her father. Fury prays every day she grows out of it before she's old enough to become one.


	6. Castles and Cables

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Deadpool, Punisher, Cable and an obscene number of references. Spot all and you get a marshmallow.  
> Fourth wall breaking because Deadpool.

Deadpool occasionally confuses Cable and Frank Castle, insisting that they look alike despite all evidence to the contrary. He also calls Frank "Jane" and asks why he keeps getting younger and "has had more different faces than Sabretooth". Frank doesn't know what the fuck it's about, but he hates it.


	7. Apricot Shots and Sloppy Assfucks

Deadpool sometimes comes up with recipes for new drinks for Weasel's bar. The names are invariably either pornographic or dark jokes. Most are even drinkable (even if nobody but Wade has ever asked for a “Sloppy Assfuck”; the “High-Powered Apricot Shot”, on the other hand, sells incredibly well)

 


End file.
